At Least I'll Die A Good Citizen

The Christmas season has barely begun and people have already begun talking about New Year's Resolutions. Is no one living in the here and now anymore? (Nope!) Halloween was hardly a holiday this year and Thanksgiving? Ha! Yeah, right. Everyone is so keen on moving foward as quickly as possible. And you know why? To get to 2012. That's right, my friends. Nowadays, people are trying to get to the "end of the world" as quick as possible. This says a lot about the human race, dontcha know? (Dontcha?)

December somethin' 2012 is supposed to be the end of mankind. It'll be hot, it'll be cold, and there will be total chaos. If that is true, then it'd be the end of the world right now! Are you worried about this? Some of my coworkers are, and I'm like You cuckoo brains, that is a bucket of donkey breath! and you know what they say? What the heck are you talkin' bout Autumn?!

You know what else these coworkers of mine tell me? That I'm boring! Sure, I may have a good sense of humor, an acceptional wardrobe, and an extensive vocabulary, but apparently I'm altogether BORING. And I'm like Well some people are quite content being calm, law abiding humans. So there I am, tangled up in my rolly chair typin' away at my keyboard, doing my business work (business work = playing snood and watching old JakeandAmir's) when my friend/coworker/next-office-neighbor, Chloe, comes in for a visit. Here's how the conversation played out.

Chloe - There's a party tonight, you should totally come.

Me - Hm. Awkwardly sitting around while people I don't know/care about drink and act of fools doesn't really sound like a night well spent to me. Thanks anyway.

Chloe - Well you could always join in, I know you're too boring for that, but still.

That's right she called me boring! Just because I don't drink or smoke or "have fun" I'm a boring individual. At that point I rolled my eye's and closed my mouth, too tired and annoyed to even speak or argue. I don't care if those people think I'm boring and not fun. Have fun with puking and overdosing.

What're you thinkin' bout the "end of the world" do you buy it?

Do you believe it's not going to happen?

Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellme.

The Love/Hate Relationship of New Cosmetics

This, my lovelies, is what I like to call heaven. Brand new makeup.The glossy new holder alone makes you want to throw on a pair of gloves as to not leave fingerprints. Buying cosmetic products gives me tingles, the wonderful neon lights glinting off of the shiney canisters as I walk down the beauty aisle makes me feel like I'm in a dream. Then there are the angels. The beautiful little stands pertaining to each company, whom I bow down to habitually; M.A.C, Mary Kay, UTLA, Lola, Sephora. It goes on and on, and endless, sweet dream of temptation, desire, and beauty.

I get home, carefully open my new cosmetics and then end up putting it away, promising myself I'll save these wonderful products for a more needful time, these are pretty expensive, rightly so of course. But the temptation digs into my center. I try to push away the thoughts of my lonely new friends on the vanity, just waiting to be used, but I can't seem to make them leave entirely. The strange part is, I hate using new makeup. Especially eyeshadows and blushes, the have the perfect little designs in them with the company's name, it kills me to screw up such art. But I can't help wanting to try everything out. No, I give myself limits for a reason. I must save it for later!

I used it. Desire gives way and I have to use it. To quote Beyonce; A sweet dream became a beautiful nightmare.

.XO.

Fashion Needs

So I need something. You fashionista's and true sick shopaholics understand what I'm talking about. You see something in a window, glossy new magazine, or maybe a picture of a friend, celebrity or other blogs. The object you want is there, tangable but not quite in reach. So close that you can almost feel the sleek new cloth and almost smell that fresh-from-the-botique aroma. I have a new fashion inspiration, her name is very well known and has been an inspiration in the material girl world even after her death.

Marilyn Monroe.

A well worthy icon, don't you agree? Sure she was more of a white dress and diamonds type of star, but I loved her most in her Norma Jean's (no pun intended). The high-waisted jeans are on their way back into the fashion world, but instead of the modern day one's with the fades and suspenders, I'd die for some original vintage Norma's. Or maybe some amazing vintage Calvin's..

One of the most legendary ad's right there. Ah, I wish I could go all Doc Brown and go back in time to get some REAL Calvin's. Looks like I'll have to deal with adoring the modern fads from afar.

.XO.

Realizations of the Potential Explorations of an Ill Woman

Today, I'm sick. When I woke up my head felt like there was a screamo concert going on inside. I'm absolutly freezing, but then again I feel as if I'm dying of the heat. So many worries when you're sick; do I have any soup? Do I know where my good sick movies are? How am I going to get out of bed? Poor pitiful me, blah blah blah.

But then a beautiful idea crept over me, it silenced the banging in the back of my forehead and spread a comfortable warmth over my body that started at my toes and the tips of my fingers and made it's way to my center. My idea was that I can do anything. Here I am worrying what I'm not going to be doing this weekend while I'm sick, when I realized that there are no boundaries, even for an ill individual.

I can go horseback riding on my beautiful horse, Gwen.

I could go to Paris.



I can kiss and tell.

Or kiss and not tell.

I could be a homebody.

I can see the world in a different way.


I can hide under covers.I could readOr I could swing.

So many things I could do. So many things I could accomplish. But will I actually do them? Of course not! I don't want to become even more ill, do I? :]

xo;autumn

Safe Haven

I've always wished that I could have a safe haven. A place where I could go and think, or write, or just sit around at. Somewhere that always smelt of fresh new life and nature. With old cobble-stones covered in newly fallen leaves. A place that was partially covered with a roof of vines, leaves, and flowers directly next to a big grassy field.

This is the place I've always dreamt of. I found that place today. It was acceptionally sunny this morning with a chill that gave me goosebumps the second I went outside. I had my puppy, my new fuzzy PINK jacket, and a water bottle. I felt very official, like those runners you see jogging by your house, or that perfect mom as she bustles around her house doing her dailey chores in her day dress as the kids play out back, or maybe even the happy couple as they both leave for work after the first few days of living together. Just sterotypically amazing. Like you are living the dream.

Well naturally, my puppy made sure that cause was lost ASAP. He decided to go through the muddy grass instead of the perfectly dewed blades with small dandy lions sprouting randomly. Instead of walking, or even strolling, at a fair pace he decided to run as if there were a hungry herd of lions chasing us. Then there's the nasty habit of wanting to become best friends with every person, dog, animal, moving object, inanimate object that we happen to sprint past.. But anyway's,I ran into this place, well my puppy did, by chance. It wasn't somewhere I've walked past or even knew existed, but now I can't wait to go back. I'll have to bring my camera next time, I hope I know where it is otherwise I'll have to bring spazmo with me..

xo;autumn

Let's Go To the Movies, Let's Go See The Stars!

I love going to the theaters. It's a guilty pleasure of mine to stray away from the quiet, lonely confines of my unnaturally cold apartment and sit in an equally freezing room with a bunch of strangers and laugh/cry/gasp/smile to whatever is playing. It is really a lot more enjoyable than it sounds. Another of my favorite things to do is collect movies. Event the ones that don't appeal to me at first glance, I buy them. I just won three older movies on Ebay (<3) and I'm really doing everything I can to contain my excitment!

Firstly is The Hole. Yeah, it sounds and looks pretty oddly but it is an amazing movie with lots of twists and is a very gasp-y movie. I haven't seen it in, like, five years but I'm excited to get it in around three days. The main character is the actress from the disney movie Hocus Pocus (the little sister) and there is also Kiera Knightly in this film (she was only fifteen). If you're over eighteen and are into thriller-like twisty movies then HELLO!

Ahh, Elephant. This movie I have never seen, but the previews look absolutly amazing. It is based on the school massacre at Columbine, but it doesn't use any of the names and events are changed, but it is an outline. The best part of this film is that the director, Gus Van Sant, just went to a town and asked random, nobody kids to be in his movie. These actors aren't really actors, they are just kids with great talent which really makes the movie feel deliciously raw.

Lastly is Mean Creek. It's an amazing story of Bully is mean to kid. Kid's brother's find out. Kid has revenge.. Things go horribly wrong. It feels like it could be real, and very well may be. The main actors are Rory Culkin and Josh Peck, odd mis but wonderful, but depressing story.

Maybe it's just me that is obsessed with all of the sad, depressing, scary, twisty, tragic tales. It could be that I'm attracted to the rawness, or the realism of these stories. That's neither here nor there. But I cannot wait until I recieve them on Monday. Maybe they'll come earlier?

xo;autumn

Proudly Conned

This is one of my favorite pictures :] it's from the movie Dazed and Confused, which I just watch last night with the hubs and beasts (friends). This movie is alll about teen's living the the 70's while under the influence.. No not very suitable for children, but still a funny movie.

I don't like magazine sellers. Like those little kids who have to do that fundraiser thing where they sell you some magazines from this huge list. I always get sucked up in them. This morning I bought some from this little girl who lives on my floor, Everyday with Rachael Ray, Vogue, TeenVogue, Seventeen, Lucky, People, OK!, and Time.

Tell me, what in the heck am I going to do with a whole bunch of magazine's that I don't even really like?! But I'm not the weak one, this little cupcake of a girl totally used her adorbleness to con me, man. Lemme play it out for you; she's this little ten or nine year old girl, one of those spazzy one's who run allover the place but are surprisingly well behaved when you ask them to stop. Well, she walked down the hallway with her dad (rather attractive guy in his late 20's, but that isn't the point) she had this little blue dress on with these black tights and black shoes with blue flowers and she had this cute little clip in her curly brown hair. I just want to hug her! So obviously when she said, "Hi Miss Leppla, would you like some wonderful magazines?" with her cute little voice accompanied by a sigh, signaling to me that she must have rehearsed and delivered this line about fifteen times before me. So obviously I had to cut this little girl some slack!

This shall be my good deed for the day. If anyone yells as me for being slightly off my game (thanks to the key dilemma) I'll just shout back, "I BOUGHT MAGAZINES FROM A LITTLE GIRL! LEAVE ME ALONE!" .. except for much quieter and nicer :] Ah well it is that time of the day where I must go pick up some makeup for the bosslady and then go back downstairs to chat with the lovely ladies in the shoes dept. Remember; Love is love is love.

xo;autumn

The Small, White Room

They sing their sweet lullabys with a soothing voice. Melodic tones have never felt so alive in my veins. The velvet slippery tone of one, with the poppy, lighthearted voice of another, all meshed with the final crispy fresh cords of the last memeber created an exotic yet familiar sense within the small, white room.

Could it be? Was it lies that entranced me into their mind games? Or could it be my own iggnorance? So many questions for the ones who beholded anothers hard work. There is no one but myself to blame for the disappointment. Love of such force could have been prevented with just one "smelling of the coffee". Promises were broken in that small, white room.

Ghosts. You are ghosts drawing me in with plastic fakeness. Everywhere and nowhere at once. How could I be so fooled? I'll light myself a fag for the first time in months, the voices stopped that. Now the ghosts have taken over and there is nothing but the girl, the fag, and the small, white room.

Back? But why? Gossip and lies are not from the voices, but from the misunderstood. Clear is the light now, comforting and recognizable. Again does the velvet, pop, and crisp melt into one sultry beautiful merge of breath. And again can we sit, listen, and be preached in this small, white room.

The Bikini Kill

*a completely nonsensical story*

Alack!

So, I'm paranoid. I'm lost, confused, aggravated, and just plain sad. You know when you lose something that you use on a daily basis? Something that is a necessity? Like, oh I don't know, KEYS! And then you think to yourself "Retrace my footsteps." And then you do.

Useless bit of advice I think that is. I mean, I look back on where I've been, but that certainly doesn't help me retrieve my belongings! But then I begin to get a very strange feeling. You see, I have a big key ring with all of my keys on it. I have like seven. One is my car key, then apartment key, boyfriend's house, one (which is a card hooked onto the ring) that gets me into my work building, one to open my office door, a master for the high school, and a master for the boss' office's. And yes, these are all hooked onto the key ring.

Soon enough, there were only four left. The one's that I "lost" were the work building one, my office one, and the master for school. Well I'm thinking they were stolen. DUM DUM DUUM! Yes, I think there is a thief among me and collegues. Let me show you through my schedule and maybe you'll feel as I do.

9:30 - Get into car, go to starbucks, go to work, then into office. WITH KEYS.
10:45 - Some freshman from the high school come to take a tour of the floor. (Keys located on my desk)
11:30 - Go down to shoes dept and chat it up (grabbing keys from desk). Then go to the cafe downstairs with friends (keys in my purse at my side).
12:10 - Go back up to my office, take out keys, and IT WAS GONE! This is when I saw that three keys were missing! Including my office key!
12:30 - Castodian finally unlocks my office and I sit thinking back on my day trying to figure out where I lost it at.

Possible Scenarios
They slipped from my key chain like some freak accident and they dropped on the floor.
One of the freshmen stole them (which would be weird, because...like who steals just three keys and leaves four?)
Someone is playing a cruel joke on me and making me have a cow and rack my brain for no reason. (In which case someone is going DOWN).

I'm just freaking out because someone has access to my work, office, and the school (if they were stolen that is). Well, I don't really care about the keys themselves... I just wanna know what happened to them! I must go sit and draw out some more possible occurances.

xo;haywire-haydenne

The Dawning of a Trust Theory

I get my most complex and intellectual thoughts/ideas/ect when I'm at the dentist's office. I mean, when you're sitting there doing nothing it's hard not to be so pensive. Soon enough an interesting theory crept up to me, thanks to my dentist, Dr. Fowler :]

Well he had to check an old porcelain tooth-cap thing (who knows/cares?) and he yanked on it and it hurt REALLY bad. So he tried to again, but I wouldn't let him. Then he says, "I'll be more gentle. Just trust me." And that gave me an thoughtful new idea, thoughtful enough to forget my recalcitrant ways and let him tug on my teeth.

Just trust me. It's a phrase we use often. But we use the word trust as if it were something to stive for. But I think that there are different kinds of trust. Like, in general you trust a lot of people that you don't even know. But I think that social trust would be a more likely to be cuveted.

Lost? Thought so. Well, from day-to-day you trust many many people. Most of whom, you don't know. For example, I trust my dentist, who I don't know besides my bi-yearly visits, not to mess up as he digs around in my mouth. Sure he has credentials and what have you, but that is all just paper to me.. it doesn't mean anything. If you were to walk into a building, you must trust the construction workers and such that they won't make a faulty building. Even at your local coffee shop. You trust the workers not to sell you a disgusting coffee!

So I really don't think that all trust is that hard to come by. And like I said, social trust is more likely to be hard to acheive.

I must be the only person to think of this kinda stuff!

xo;autumn and eve (haha like ADAM and eve! xD)

Unnatural Tale of Love Before Work

I have a good 45 minutes before I must pick myself up off of my bed and make a feeble attempt at getting ready before this fun thing called work, with no pay even! Anyway, I recently have had an infatuation with telling people of how me and the hubs met. I told one person and they did the "Awwh!" and now I'm addicted.

We met on the playground, first day of 1st grade and everyone was running around on the hot, black cement claiming which spots were theirs (we did just leave the kinder-playground..). So I announced rather loudly that the swings were now "mine". But oddly enough someone else said the same thing at the same time, a little boy my age (but definitely not my size). Now a short nerd like this, I knew I could take on so I put up my pups and he obviously cowers.

Now here is the part where I knew I'd be best friends with this guy forever. Instead of fighting, he suggested that we share the swings. This thought didn't enter my mind until he said that. I liked that he was such a generous, kind-hearted nerd. It was sweet.

So, we shared the swings from that day on. Soon enough we were in middle school, by freshman year Maxwell had finally grown taller than me, he was still a super-nerd, but I loved that. Now, twelve or so years later and we're still best friends. Throughout our elementary days all of my other friends began joining our little group, and soon enough you had the Swanky Seven. Sure, we're all immature, stupid, annoying, disgusting, and barbaric when we're together. But I love these people and I wouldn't have chosen any other group of friends to go through the pains, happiness, and arrogance of adolescence and teenhood with.

Together as One and Against all Others.

xo;autumn

Useless Information for the Original Lovelies

I'm a big talker, especially talking about things I love. One of those things I love is, well, me! So, for your own benefit (haha, not) I'm going to give a list of interesting, stupid, useless, funny, random, cool information about moi.

• My full name is Autumn Haydenne Louvoire Leppla.
• I respond to either one of these names individually, Haydee, baby girl, shawtie, oompa loompa, suicide blonde, Lala, Audy, or even "Hey, you!".
• I'm twenty years old.
• I appear fourteen, and yes, I do get the kids menu at restaurants.
• People make fun of me because I'm short and petite.
• But I promise I can hold my own.
• I stay up late and I like to sleep in late.
• I'm a night owl and proud of it.
• So expect to see random confessions from me at 1:00am.
• I like to call blogs 'confessions'.
• My house is in Hollywood, but my home is in Texas<3
• I love vintage everything; movies, people, clothes, jewelry, music, ect.
• I change my hair and style almost every week.
• I model part time and intern as a makeup artist.
• I want to be a makeup artist, photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth, a photographer, a journalist, an event planner, an actress, a director, and a novelist.
• In that order.
• Yes, I do have high expectations, but that just means that my life won't be wasted.
• I cuss like a sailor, but I keep it under control most of the time.
• I use the words 'super', 'oober', 'buttercup', 'baby boo', 'broski', and 'lovin' you!'.
• I get bored easily.
• I have six best friends whom I've known since grade school.
• Jennifer (jennfreddie), Max (maxwell), Katarina (katpom), Lucy (luciee), Jonah (mama jo), and Robbie (mock).
• I have a boyfriend of three years, he's Maxwell Michael Aurington <3
• I will often refer to him as; maxwell, boyf, but mostly as hubs because we do plan to become engaged very soon :]
• Honesty is one of the most important things to me, lying is not acceptable.
• I really love telling stories and writing stories, as well as reading them, but that's a whole other confession.
• Music is important to me, but this as well is a whole other confession.
• I always will accept recommendations for music and books.
• Talk to me and I talk back.
• And if you actually read all of my nonesense then I kind of love you <3

You see, I can be very talkative when the situation calls for it. And I just stopped because I must go take a shower. But don't worry, I'll be back to talk about my friends (I promised them I'd write about them), because I just know you're dying to hear about that haha.

xo;lala

Ellen Von Unwerth

Emma Watson by Ellen Von Unwerth.

I love Ellen Von Unwerth, she is an amazing at what she does. She shoots mostly women because she feels that the female body is more beautiful and tells a more interesting story.

"Women are not just there to be admired, they are there to be enjoyed."

I love her way of taking vintage with the amazing beauty of flesh combined with just raw talent and making it a beautiful picture. You can find her pictures in Vogue, French Vogue, for Guess advertisements, and has even had a few books of her masterpeice's out. If you're a photographer, fashion journalist, or just enjoy admiring wonderfully beautiful pictures by talented people, I highly advise you to check out Ellen Von Unwerth.

Bad (and potentially life-threatening) Habits

In my room there is a desk. A big, spotless white desk. Then there are some crayons, a pumpkin spice candle, my laptop, paper, and other desk-ly things. Now, at times I'll find myself sitting there at my desk with nothing to do at all. Why do I sit there and do nothing? Who knows, let's not question the world's wonders.



Anyways, yes I sit there and do nothing. Without even realizing it I'll even pick up a crayon. And none of this ugly pea green colors or burnt brown. Ohno, I go straight for the pretty reds and yellows and so forth. Being that I'm a notorious pyromaniac who shouldn't even have open access to candles, fire, matches, or anything else that could burn I put my crayon over the flame.



I'm well aware that it could spontaneously combust and I could be burned alive (oh happy thoughts..) but that just doesn't quiet my need to burn crayons! It's not like I burn them to nothingness. No, I burn them until they begin to drip. And what do I do then? Well, I let it drip and splatter over paper of course! Now I have some interesting splatter paintings (mind you, if anyone asks how I made it I'm lying straight through my teeth).



Nowadays I've gotten a little bored with my paper splatterings. I've moved on to bigger, better things. Specifically, my once-spotless white desk. The top of it is now covered in splatters of different colors. Good thing it looks oober amazing!



xo;pyro-autumn

Marie Antoinette<3

Marie Antoinette. Kirsten Dunst. I like to think that they are the same. This movie was.. a masterpiece. I can honestly never get enough of it. Maybe it's my love of the remarkably gorgeous fashion piece's of the 1700's. Maybe it's my love of Marie Antoinette altogether. Who knows?

You see, I like to be as much like this amazing historical figure as I can. She was a spendthrift, just as I am. A spendthrift is a disease, to me anyway. It is when one is extravagant and wrecklessly wasteful, finance-wise that is. If it was still in style, I would be buying amazing vintage dresses she would have worn. Trust me I've already contemplated buying the shoes..

Deliciously beautiful, aren't they? If only, if only. Louboutin is amazing though isn't he? This is the time that I wish I could've been born in. Where fashion had just begun to take flight and become it's own genre of art. Where the more lace, bows, and fluff on a dress the more popularity you would recieve. Don't you wish you could've been born into another time?



Of course you do. Which is why time machine's sound so alluring. Wow, do I stray off topic. I went from Marie Anotinette to Christian Louboutin to time travel. All lovely to think about, but all so very out of my reach..



On a happier note, I'm currently waiting for my Friends Season 10 DVD's to arrive. Ebay is a wonderful thing. They should be here in a few day's along with a few movies; Mean Creek, Elephant, and The Hole. All are strangely depressing movies, but very entertaining.



Last thought..
Paris Hilton perfume is a blessing from God<3



xo;autumn

New Goal

Having goals are an addiction to me. I love to make them, but I rarely get to my goal. Hopefully, I'll break that habit. Well. New goal alert! My new goal is.. well, this blog. I love to write and this will be a good way to keep me writing, regardless of what about.

Back to the point, my new goal is going to be to post at least every other day. Even if it's just to give a listing of what I did that day, what I ate, who I saw. As long as I write.

Another goal of mine is more of a bet. With my sister to be exact. Starting tomorrow we're going to stop eating meat for a week straight. Yes, we're going to try out the whole vegitarian thing. And if we eat meat one day we have to pay up fifty cents and start the week over! Sure, a little childish, but still fun and healthy at that.

I need some more fun goals..

xo;autumn